One Last Hit | A Sobriety and Addiction Recovery Podcast

SPEAKER_03: What is happening,
ladies and gentlemen?

My name is Austin.

I'm the host of the One Last Hit
podcast.

Thanks for listening in and
joining me today, Mr.

Hunter S.

Hunter.

What's going on, brother?

SPEAKER_00: What's going on,
Austin?

How are you doing, buddy?

SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, I'm
good, man.

I'm good.

So I'm eager and uh excited to
dive into your story.

And I know I've heard I've heard
parts of it, uh, but probably

not to the detail that we're
gonna get today, which is uh

very, very exciting.

Uh so what was what was early
life like?

Like let's start, let's start
from the very beginning here.

SPEAKER_00: Oh, dude, early life
for me was great, man.

I've got no excuse to have a
problem with alcohol or drugs,

man.

I just uh I mean on the outside,
if you look at my life, you

would go, man, that kid should
be a straight A student and

board like like private school,
uh, you know, just all the stuff

like that.

Have you ever seen one of those
magazines for your local city

with that family on the cover?

Like socially, like that should
have been, I should have been

right right like front and
center of that.

But that was not my story.

SPEAKER_03: Um so when you say
that, do you mean do you mean

like two-parent home, uh upper
middle class, you know, dinner

on the table type of shit?

SPEAKER_00: Or what let me
answer it like this.

So I I I grew up in Virginia,
and people ask me, like, where

are you from?

I'm like, Virginia.

Uh we've got 1,485 acres of uh
hunting property that we got a

little cabin on, and they farm
cotton, corn, soybeans, peanuts,

and and pretty much whatever the
farmer is told to farm, and we

hunt that property hard and
spend you know quite a few

weekends up there a year, about
four to five weekends a year

there.

And the other the other weekends
of the year we spend at my

parents' vacation house on the
water in the Chesapeake Bay,

mouth of the Rappahannock River.

You got the golf cart community,
the jet skis at the end of the

dock, the boat, you're either
fishing or tubing or sitting out

on the beach.

Like it was tough.

Brutal, brutal.

I mean, we really struggled.

Yeah, and then uh, you know, the
3,500 square foot house in the

middle of the city and and uh
and like the Hampton Roads area,

and that was that that was where
uh that was that was where we we

spent Monday through Thursday.

Uh and then that was pretty much
it.

But it look it should have
looked, I shouldn't have had

much of of a life to escape
from.

But man, when I when I took my
first drink, I realized that I

was like, I was like about like
five, ten years too late.

And and mind you, my first
blackout, I was 14.

Um, and even that was like
another like what that first

night, man, I knew I should have
had one of those like years

before.

SPEAKER_03: So uh I'm curious,
did you did your parents work in

government or or what was No, I
don't want to be tarred with the

same brush as the the the
Yankees up in Northern Virginia.

SPEAKER_00: I don't uh we're
from a cut from a different

cloth.

Um my dad's my dad's in the
insurance business, and my mom

is in the uh the landscaping
business, uh commercial

landscape, um not the
residential stuff, and and so

she was pretty high up with the
company she was with uh for

years, decades.

Um, managed an insane book of
business for commercial

contracts.

And then my dad was uh in
commercial real uh commercial

insurance for uh mostly maritime
stuff, like pretty big contracts

in the Norfolk, Virginia,
Virginia Beach area, um

Portsmouth, Hampton, just the
Hampton Roads area.

My dad was pretty involved with
that.

Um cool stuff.

SPEAKER_03: So you've told us
what the what the outside looked

like, but like as a child, as
you know, the age of six to ten,

like what was it like being like
what it what did Hunter feel

like on the inside, I guess is
what I'm asking.

SPEAKER_00: So my my dad took
this huge job uh and moved our

our main house, the place we
sleeping in throughout the week

while we're in my brother and I
are in school.

I've got a younger brother who's
like four years younger than me.

Um we moved from Richmond,
Virginia, uh suburb of Richmond,

out to uh Hampton Roads area.

Um I have consciously or
subconsciously blocked out

almost every memory I have from
prior to that move.

Um I've sat down with
therapists, I've talked to

counselors.

I I couldn't, I could not close
my eyes and picture something or

or describe a situation to you
of of really any detail from

prior to 10 years old.

Wow.

And I started like at third
grade, I was I guess it was

third grade when I started uh
school here or well in the

Hampton Roads area.

I didn't tell you anything from
before that.

I could tell you a lot about how
much my life sucked after that

for the first few years until I
found alcohol.

SPEAKER_03: That's interesting.

So, like even looking at
pictures or anything, it doesn't

like you're like those are nice
pictures, but I don't quite

remember what that what that is.

SPEAKER_00: I I live in Orlando,
uh you know, suburb of Orlando

now, and and uh Disney World,
granted, cost of things are a

little higher now than it used
to be, but my grandmother used

to bring like 10 of us, family
members, fly us from Virginia

down to Florida, put us up in a
Disney resort, the whole like 10

members of our family for a week
every summer for like 12 years.

I couldn't tell you I have zero
recall of any of those.

I I look at the pictures and I
don't even I can connect to one

core memory at the ESPN wide
world of sports, but over that

12-year period, that's all I
got.

SPEAKER_03: Wow, that is wild,
man.

Wow, okay.

It's strange.

I hope we get to pull back on
that.

So you're uh let's see, you're
10 years old, you move, and then

you start having you're able to
recollect that part, right?

So starting at age 10, roughly.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there was a
kid across the street.

Um, my backyard ran to a pretty
popular street, and his backyard

was was to that same road.

And um, you know, the six, seven
foot tall, you know, wooden

fences was pretty common in like
my neighborhood.

Like every house had a fenced-in
backyard, but a lot of them had

that one gate that went through
the the back.

So he and I talked uh or hung
out a bunch.

Uh got to know him pretty good.

He had a twin brother.

His twin brother was they were
like kind of in between the ages

of me and my brother, and his
twin brother was like more of a

video game, like hang out inside
the Pokemon Yu-Gi-Oh stuff.

Like, I'm like, hey, don't
worry, my head's hard, don't

need a helmet.

Let's try that, you know, let's
try to build this this quarter

pipe and skateboard and and and
bike and and and you know, just

beat the crap up out of myself
trying to do like what I thought

was like fucking like guy stuff,
always outside.

Um like I could remember a lot
of that stuff.

Okay, but when I found alcohol,
man, there was uh there was a

neighbor to the right of us.

Uh if you're looking at my
parents' house, it's to the

left, and he had he had this
beer fridge in his garage.

And I knew that if I could get
in the side door of his garage,

which the dude never locked,
because you had to go through

this the the fenced in backyard
to get into.

And you go in there and with a
little backpack, and I'd, you

know, take, you know, uh
whatever, you know, whatever I

wanted, uh depending on the day.

But I remember specifically um
detailed memories of getting out

the window or which stair on the
staircase squeaked.

I knew like which one I had to
skip over, right?

Uh, how to get out of the house
and back in the house without

the dog going weird, you know.

Um, like I have those core
memories, like how to break in

and out of my parents' house.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah.

To steal some booze from the
neighbor.

I I'm I am curious.

So you you stole some booze from
the neighbor.

Let's talk about the first the
first one.

Because leading up, I mean,
you've mentioned it a few times,

and clearly it's one of those
memories, and it is for me too,

like my first buzz I ever
caught.

So tell me tell me tell me about
that.

SPEAKER_00: So, what's weird is
I don't I can't tell you where

my first buzz was because
drinking was a popular thing.

Uh, and you and back to the
question you asked that I would

completely uh skirted around
unintentionally was how how did

I feel?

Like, man, I just uh best way I
ever heard it explained was like

if I could have if I could have
traded my life with anyone

else's, I would have.

Like I like dying wasn't uh uh
you know on the on the table.

Um drinking into oblivion didn't
look like the answer either, but

staying as I was, I would trade
the consequences of getting in

trouble or doing anything to
change how I felt over the

consequences of staying how I
how I was.

SPEAKER_02: Right?

SPEAKER_00: Like I can I I I
can't tell you how many days

sitting in grade school
thinking, dude, if I could just

like restart, like equipped with
this new information of life,

like if I could just restart, I
wouldn't be here and wasn't so

bad to just be able to rewind
the tape to like somehow get

around where I existed, right?

Like as if like somewhere, like
you know, like that was the

answer.

But when I found alcohol, um you
know, I don't know if it was the

rush or or or thrill of getting
in and out of the house or

because it wasn't really fun to
sit in your bedroom.

I had a Nintendo 64 and I'd play
really drunk.

I'd like do like this like drunk
driver Mario game by myself as

like a teenager, just for
entertainment purposes.

I tried to chug a beer before
every lap finished, uh, and then

you'd be blasted by the end of a
couple grand prix.

Um but like the the first real
memory I have of drinking was uh

was in a tree stand.

And I remember the
disappointment on my dad's face

and and uh coming back to the
hunting cabin.

That's a great story.

Uh tell it.

But that that's that's the one I
remember.

Um this to paint the picture,
right?

This little hunting cabin's not
much.

I mean, you if you looked at it,
you'd be like, yep, that's

abandoned.

Uh but you walk, you walk in,
man, and it's just concrete

floors.

The kitchen is the hallway from
the front door to the bathroom.

Like, okay, and the cabinets are
all mismatched.

You hang a left into this great
room, and then that's the

bedroom.

Now, on workday weekends,
they've we've added two wings

and brought like busted down a
hole in the cinder block house

to create a doorway to the two
wings.

And the wings have have just
three sets of bunk beds in them,

and then the living room has the
wood stove, and then this huge

kitchen table and some mixed
mismatch couches that I think

probably guys picked up off the
side of the road where people

like just like throw their shit
out to to like let the trash

people pick it up, like like
cigarette birds in them, like

different colored cushions, like
the cushions don't even match on

the same couch.

Um like high flute in place,
bro.

And but that was dude, so many
memories from there.

Um, and so it's it's a Sunday.

They hadn't passed um the law
yet in Virginia to where you

were allowed to shoot deer on
Sunday.

So we went scouting.

Now it must have it had to have
been a holiday weekend because

we normally pack up on Saturday
or Sunday morning and drive

home.

Uh, but Monday was a holiday.

I can't remember what holiday it
was, but we were staying for

Monday.

And um and we me and my buddy
Harrison went scouting.

The only other friend from my
drinking days that kept in touch

with me through my my last like
six to twelve months of

drinking, mind you.

All the people I knew and met, I
had two, and one of them wasn't

even my brother.

Um Harrison and I just come up
with this brilliant idea to go

scouting.

We get into the tree stand, um,
and the backpacks are heavy, and

you know, I so we've got this
little uh blunt rolled up,

right?

I've got one.

Didn't know he had one.

He's got about 12 beers in his
backpack that he's stolen from

somebody's cooler, and I've got
like 12 beers in my backpack,

and we look at each other and
just start cracking up because

we've got we know exactly what
we're about to do for the next

like three or four hours, yeah.

Yeah, you know, and uh nobody's
gonna come bother us.

Cell phones weren't really a
thing, and and if we had them uh

where we were hunting at,
there's no cell service, right?

But we had this decoy out in
this little peanut field, it was

just a riot, man.

And um, he and I drank every
beer and smoked both blunts in a

matter of like three hours, and
as like mid-teenagers, and we

were so torn up.

We were trying to get the um the
decoy like unassembled and back

in the bag, and it's just like
plastic, like like deer.

It's like a life-size deer.

Yeah, and we're trying to get it
back in this bag, dude.

And it's like it's like that
that like middle school

sleepover where mom yells at you
to roll your sleeping bag up

type of thing.

Like, it ain't happening, dude.

Like, there's no way we're
getting that back in there, and

um, and so he and I are like
putzing through this field.

Um, he's got like part of the
deer.

I've got like a leg and like the
torso, you know, and we're just

like walking through.

You can see us on trail cameras
later on.

We we went rolled back and
looked at the foot.

It was just it was hysterical.

The freedom and and joy for life
and the presence of the present

moment was just more rich than I
can ever I can ever articulate.

I've never been that here and
now in my life.

And and I still I can still like
picture his face and like so

many different little instances
from that from that night, like

some core memories.

But man, when we got back, all
the dads are around.

Yeah, everybody, everybody
knows, everybody knows.

Like, it was dark, like an hour
and a half before we got back.

Like, dinner's already cooked,
they're playing some cards,

like, and the look of
disappointment on my dad's face.

Now, and Harrison's dad, he's
pretty, he's like a he'll he'll

he'll whoop the ass of like your
buddies, yeah.

Like like like he's he'd put his
hands on me a couple of times

when I acted out over at his
house, like that was a different

time, right?

Like, you know, but um he was
like he was ready to just blow

up.

Uh and Harris and I like we came
in, like you know the look.

Like if if one of your kids came
in at to your house having just

faced a couple grams worth of
weed and and uh 12 12 beers in

the last like three hours, like
yeah, dude.

I and we just come in and and
the only thing that my dad said

was hope you had some fun, you
won't be doing that for another

for a while.

And um, like I was expecting him
to yell at me or whatever, but

you know, I kind of got off easy
on that one.

But that that was like for me,
and I had to have been like

maybe 16, 17 at the most when
that happened.

Um, but if we weren't at the
hunting cabin with every cooler

you looked in with every kind of
beer and liquor and mood shot uh

in it, we were at the bay, and
the bay was the same thing.

Like I look back as a as a
parent now.

My I was I was born in 1990.

My dad was 30 years old when my
mom and dad were 30 and 28 when

they had me.

So when I was when I was about
this age, right, they're like

they're like kind of in the
prime of their life, they're

like early mid 40s, you know.

Um shit, dude, coming up kind of
close to that right now, and

having plenty of friends that
are that age, like, dude, like I

must have been such a pain in
the ass to them, you know,

they're just trying to have a
good time, dude.

And they've and like looking
back, like even now, dude, 2026,

the cost of living is gotta be
like 250 higher than it was, you

know, just 20 years ago.

Like, probably even low.

I'm I might be even low on that.

But to have that life, and like
my parents, my parents kicked

some ass, dude.

Like we weren't millionaires or
anything.

Like, we still had a shop.

My brother and I still had a
shop at Walmart, but we my par

like for for back to school
shopping, clothes and all,

unless you could like guilt trip
grandma to come pick you up, she

would take you to the mall and
you could go like Cole's or

Dylan's, right?

Um, my parents were just like
frugal in that way.

Like, we'll buy the boat, the
jet ski, the house, another

house, you know, a property.

But you're wearing Wrangler
jeans from the sail rack at

Walmart.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nobody gives a shit, right?

Right.

But the life that they had
created for themselves and for

me, like, I was totally remiss
on that.

Like, I it it took me a couple
fist steps to get to a place of

of understanding.

Like, not only did they have no
idea what to do with me, like

you want to talk about a
justified resentment, like

busting ass and being that
successful in your own right to

be able to afford that kind of a
life.

And then you have this sh shit
kicker over here that's stealing

all your beer out of every
cooler.

But that was just that was just
life, dude.

Every Friday and Saturday, it
was a drink until you until you

have to go to bed.

Somebody's either taking you or
you're basically crawling there.

And I that was just normal for
me.

I saw that every single weekend,
Friday and Saturday, whether I

was at the hunting club or at
the bay, and everybody drank

like that.

Everybody, well, I thought they
drank like that.

Maybe they didn't.

It just that's what it looked
like to a kid my age.

So when I was able to start
getting access to alcohol, that

when I needed to get it on my
own, that's that's where I

started.

That was my only base point.

But I rarely ever needed to be
in a position to where like I

never had a fake ID.

I didn't need to go like stand
out in front of 7-Eleven and

like, hey, Mr.

Somebody.

Like it was just it was
available and everybody was

doing it, and so I don't like
it's not like I'm I certainly

I'm not trying to come across
like you know, my parents did a

poor job of like, you know,
taking care, like, dude, they

were just living their life, and
I was I was taking full

advantage of it.

SPEAKER_03: So you're 16,
getting in trouble, getting, you

know, I mean shit.

If you put down a dozen beers to
the head and then smoked a

blunt, you were probably quite
lit.

And uh, so what how old were you
when you graduated high school?

18, 18.

You were 18.

Okay.

And so I know your your story
does, it kind of takes off at a

point.

I know you had a pivotal thing
happen uh with your dad and some

other stuff, and I don't know
the exact one.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the the thing
with dad, like I mean, that's

that's probably a lot less of a
fun story, but like it's a hell

of a it's a hell of a moment in
my life.

Yeah, yeah.

Um and you know, just to run
through it, for the sake of the

podcast, my dad had a wire get
run over by a bush hog.

We were on a four-wheeler, bush
hog was about 150 yards ahead of

us.

Uh-huh.

Um, and it uh I guess there was
some chain link fence underneath

the brush that it ran over and
it kicked up a piece of wire and

hit him in the neck.

And it missed it, it hit him
like right here in the side of

the neck.

And then like from the side,
like it only stuck out like a

little bit.

And he had a blood of uh a drop
of blood on the collar and just

above the pocket of his of his t
shirt.

And it was snug, like they like
it was in the shape of a seven,

so it had like almost like a
little handle that you could

grab.

And we took a boat, like there
was like, I don't know, about a

dozen guys at the workday, and
they took a vote on whether or

not they pull it out or leave it
in, and they were trying to feel

around and couldn't.

Didn't come out the back for the
sake of time.

Bro, this wire.

The surgeon came out and said to
my mom, me and my brother at the

hospital a couple uh about a day
later, I think it might have

been the same day.

Maybe it was this next day.

I feel like it was the next day
because he had a stroke and some

major, major complications at
the hospital as they went

through the surgery.

Bro, this wire went through his
carotid artery and jugular vein

and stopped less than half an
inch from his spinal cord.

And so they didn't pull it out
though.

No, no, no, no.

They didn't they didn't pull
out.

But to paint a picture, right?

Think of a chain link fence,
like the thickness of that wire,

right?

A carotid artery and a jugular
vein are about the thickness of

a number two like school pencil.

The margin for deviation is like
almost but it means it's so

small.

SPEAKER_03: It would have had to
hit it dead on.

SPEAKER_00: Any varying degree.

Wow.

And it pierced both of them
perfectly.

I mean, just perfectly through
both of them.

And then he and then it gets
even crazier.

He said, Look, you know, talk
about divine.

Like if you were closer to the
bush hog, it would have had too

much velocity and it would have
hit your spinal cord.

And if it didn't kill him there,
it would have certainly

paralyzed him.

Sure.

And if he was further away, the
wire possibly wouldn't have been

hot enough.

The wire from the blade of the
bushhog was still so hot that it

cauterized his carotid and
jugular when it went through

both of them.

Nuts, right?

I still I carry the the wire in
my uh my my basic tech text big

book.

Um but at the at the time,
right, holding on to mom's leg

at the hospital.

I was like, I was 10, which may
be the connector, right?

Had a therapist, you know, uh
make you know their own opinions

on that.

But that experience, the doctor
said that it is only by a divine

act of God and just pure love
and providence that your

father's gonna live.

SPEAKER_03: And he had a stroke
in the hospital during surgery,

you said?

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and he had
another one a few days later.

Like he was reading, uh, my
parents are Virginia Tech

alumni, and he was reading
something out of the newspaper

about the basketball team and
the um basketball team, maybe

baseball.

Uh it was from the sports
section, and like halfway

through him reading this like
story, he had a stroke, like his

whole his speech went to shit.

SPEAKER_02: Oh wow.

SPEAKER_00: Like in the middle
of talking to we were at his

mom's house, um, and he just
went fucking stupid mid-sentence

um back to the hospital, you
know, and and so, but here's

what came out of that, right?

Like this should be like a like
a hallelujah, like praise God

kind of story.

But the reality for me, the man
that went into that hospital

with a wire in his neck was the
most loving, caring,

considerate, patient, calm,
quiet man anybody had ever met.

Like it wasn't even it wasn't
even close.

The man that came out of that
hospital, the man that came out

of that hospital was he was a
scary dude, angry.

Like I say one thing out of
line, like he's off the rails.

I do something out of the out of
ordinary, like that comes across

as disrespectful, he's he's
ready to, you know, put hands on

me.

And um, and and so for the next
like couple of months or years,

I just I came to believe that
God took my dad and made him

into this militaristic like
asshole drill sergeant that

physically and emotionally by
today's standards, DCF would

have been would have been there
a couple times a week.

I mean, it was it was a granted
the the early 2000s was a

totally different ball game, but
in today's world, physical and

emotional abuse was a light way
to put it.

Like it was just uh and I wasn't
a good son, like the power of a

fist step, like I came to learn
a lot more about my dad than I

learned about me, and and and
forgave him instantly.

Like he didn't, I don't think he
did anything wrong, but um at as

a teenager, he couldn't do
anything right, and and it was

all God's fault, man.

I didn't look back toward God
for uh for probably like 11

years.

Because Austin, my first my
first blackout was 14-15 years

old.

Okay certain of it.

The the last drink I've had was
four months and a day after my

21st birthday.

SPEAKER_03: Okay, so seven, a
little over seven years of

drinking.

Yeah, maybe right on.

SPEAKER_00: And and dude, I
didn't I didn't touch I didn't

touch weed for two of those, two
almost three of those, first

three.

I swore off of of of drugs.

Uh well, I'm gonna do it.

Um until I did it.

But within a month, until within
a month of smoking weed for the

first time, I was selling weed
and coke.

SPEAKER_03: That's the natural
that's the natural progression

of things, you know, definitely
cocaine salesman after your

first joint.

How old were you when you were
doing that?

SPEAKER_00: Uh I was 17, still
in high school uh high school.

Um my connection gave me a
pretty bad, you know, hookup.

When I got to college and met
somebody else, he and I became

friends.

Like he was my he was my first
higher power.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: Second higher power.

I think I think I I knew I knew
about God and and wanted to live

a godly life before my dad's
accident.

Um my second higher power in
life was was Maddie.

Because this dude, I he just
took a fondness of me.

And he had he had like a like a
number one on the side and like

like a four to six inch long
mohawk.

Like just and it was purple, and
he looked like we met at a

community college, and I'm I'm
in uh interning with my dad's

insurance brokerage.

I'm in a shirt and tie with a
suit, you know, showing up as a

college, already a college
dropout.

It's my third semester of my
freshman year, second college.

Um, and the guy that sits down
next to me, dude.

I'll now to talk about another
core memory.

I look at him and I'm judging
the shit out of him.

I mean, it looks like if if you
had fucked a parrot, you know,

this would have been his
offspring.

You know, it was wild, bro.

And I just look over at him and
he looks up at me.

Well, get close enough to the
camera.

He looks up at me and he goes,
What's up, man?

And I immediately knew this is a
guy I gotta get to know.

Yeah.

We've we finished this class,
dude.

This is the first and last time
I went to this history class.

I can't speak for him.

I know it was for me.

First and last time I went to
that class.

And after the class, I had I had
a parking pass to a parking

garage down the street a couple
blocks away.

We walked down there, and he's I
don't know if you remember the

uh like the sweatshirts that
looked like they were hand woven

with like yarn, you know, like
the reggae.

Yeah, that's what he's wearing,
right?

And and a bathing suit and
shoes, like sneakers, right?

Like totally makes sense, you
know?

Purple, purple, you know,
mohawk.

And we get into this this car I
had, um, and I thought I was I

thought I was cool.

I mean, I had just come out of
this, was still freshman year,

like I was selling, you know, a
couple ounces of bud, you know,

and I didn't really sell a whole
lot of coke because I did it uh

before anybody wanted to buy it.

Um and I remember I thought it
was kind of a big deal, and I

had, I don't know, it was
probably like a quarter ounce or

something like that, like small.

And I pulled it out of the
center console, and it was it

was like it was mid.

You still had the seeds and shit
in it.

Right, right, right.

But I I mean, I'm ready to
impress this guy that I just

met, you know, and um he leans
down, he grabs his backpack, you

know, and he reaches in and he
pulls out a vacuum sealed brick

of bud and hands it to me, pulls
out another and hands it to me,

and then pulls out this little
Tupperware container with some

some purplish, bluish, green
shit that I had never seen in my

life.

And he goes, If you don't mind,
we're gonna smoke my stuff.

And I'm like, Yeah, dude,
absolutely.

And uh, and then he reaches down
and he pulls out another smaller

tupware container, and it was
filled with what looked like

like tumps, just much smaller.

And I said, What is that?

And he said, Oh, this is just
ecstasy.

This is just for later.

And I I guarantee, I mean, it
was a Tuppware container like

that big around, like that deep.

I mean, it had to have had you
know 500 plus ecstasy pills, and

this dude's wearing this
backpack, Austin.

He's cool, no books, nothing in
it, just drugs, bro.

He's got out, yes, on the
college campus.

He probably had I'm assuming
that that was at least two and a

half pounds of bud.

Wow, and probably 500 X pills,
and not to mention, he's got he

probably had, I don't know,
maybe maybe three or four ounces

of blow on him in the same
backpack scale, and he carried a

1911 in the small of his back.

Um, and that was dude, that was
massive.

I see why that was a core
memory.

That would be a core memory for
me, too.

Oh shit, yeah.

I can I can see you're getting
excited about it right now,

dude.

I do, I can't.

From that day forward, he and I
were buddies.

Man, I feel he'd come over every
Sunday and drop off whatever I

told him I was I was I was able
to sell.

Like he didn't fact check
anything.

I'm just like, yep, I'll sell
that, you know.

And he just dropped stuff on the
table.

He's like, All right, I'll come
back next weekend.

This is what I want for this,
this, and this.

And um, within about two months
of knowing him, um, so I had a

condo downtown, downtown
Norfolk.

And he was like, Hey, bro, like
I have some uh like some

mushrooms that I'm growing at my
apartment, but I want to grow

more now that you're because I
was living on the like right on

campus of Old Dominion
University, and he's like, I

need you to take over this like
mushroom operation.

And within a few months, Austin,
I mean, we were moving, dude.

I was I was pumping out probably
a pound or two of mushrooms a

week, and on a college campus
that you don't attend school at.

Real easy to sell.

And and so that that I became
that guy within like six months

of doing coke for the first
time.

Man, I was I was growing
mushrooms in the second bedroom

of the condo, probably selling
200 to 500 ecstasy pills a week.

Hooked me up with the the liquid
um little like visine bottles of

acid, and I I became Matty.

It was my higher power.

I had the backpack.

The only difference is how we
dressed.

I'm wearing sperries, khaki
shorts, and uh like a long

sleeve like button down.

Yeah, nobody would suspect.

Well, dude, and no, absolutely
not, with like the little Jan

Sport backpack, you know, uh
dude, with like the the brown

bottom.

I don't know if you remember
those, but oh yeah, yeah, dude.

Everybody, everybody had him,
and so that just confused.

SPEAKER_03: You're like 18, 18,
19.

SPEAKER_00: I was 18, 9, 18, 18
uh at the time.

Um from 18 to 19, the only
difference in my life is from

when the time I met him to the
time I had to leave Virginia was

the best way to describe it is
that like I kept coming up

shorter and shorter on the money
he came to pick up because I

kept doing more and more.

And my life was a party, dude.

I didn't have a normal normal
bulb in my apartment,

two-bedroom condo, and every
bulb was a black light, and I

had the mushroom posters on the
walls that glue in the dark and

the laser lights that you bought
from Spencer's, and that was my

it was my little dope hole,
dude.

And uh, and I'm like I had this
vanity at this condo was big, it

was probably like four feet
long, four feet deep with the

mirrors.

Totally a makeup vanity, and I
had it staged like it was like a

glass shop.

I had every long laid out, the
mirror never left the the

countertop.

I mean, any anytime you came
over, there was there was at

least an ounce of blow on that
thing.

Um, all the tables, night
tables, or coffee tables and end

tables in that apartment were
made out of glass.

That was that was just that was
what we did, bro.

That was what we did.

SPEAKER_03: To get sober at four
months after your 21st birthday,

between this point and that
point, something I mean, maybe

it's progression, but you know,
you don't see a lot of people

that get sober.

SPEAKER_00: I lost a vision in
my left eye.

Uh, I had gotten arrested six
times, and I got arrested six

times between 18 and 21 in three
years.

Two of those were for DUIs.

Um, like I wasn't supposed to be
driving, like, and and my dad

retained an attorney.

Uh, like it was and like and the
arrests were kind of lame, like

stealing stuff at golf galaxy,
stealing stuff at like a local

mom and pop golf store.

I had this thing like from my
childhood.

Sounds ridiculous to say, if you
can sneak into somebody's garage

and steal their beer, sneak in
and steal their golf clubs.

And I would take the drivers in
the three woods and the five

woods that have the head covers
or the putters, and I would yank

them out of their bags, and I
would take them to the golf

store.

And I would go in with the old
club head cover, grab a new one,

new club, put the head cover on
it, and leave the old the old

club that I stole from somebody.

And then I take this and sell it
on eBay or sell it to some guys

that I played golf with on the
golf team.

Um, and that was like a thing
before they put those little

plastic, you know, safes on
them.

Little BB things they didn't
have those then.

Um, and so like that was like a
normal, like I got arrested for

a couple of things like that,
stealing from Dillards, peeing

on a cop uh outside of a frat
house.

Like really unimpressive.

You you had Dallas on earlier,
like he's a criminal.

Yeah, like right.

Like he can rock that, like, and
and you could look at him, you

could listen to his story, and
you'd be like, Yeah, dude, like

you came from like some really
tough stuff.

All of mine was self-inflicted
and manufactured.

Like I was, I never should have
been in those situations, but I

just I just found him.

I just found him.

I was in the middle of a
conversation with a cop one

time, and I told him I needed to
go to the bathroom, and he said,

Well, I'm not quite done with
you, so I just whipped it out

and just pissed right on his
wow.

SPEAKER_03: You you mentioned,
all right, so pissing on cops,

stealing DUIs, you mentioned
losing your vision.

What happened there?

SPEAKER_00: Uh, this is
everybody's favorite story.

Um, and the uh narcotics uh
rooms, uh, if you're picking up

and I'm putting down.

It's it's bad.

I don't know if you've ever been
to uh to one of their meetings,

but they're they're like
professionals, retired

professionals, right?

And when you go in and share
this story in that room, and you

have people coming up to you
after and going, like, dude, you

are really sick human being.

Yeah, I never would have
imagined trying to do that.

Like, you're really special, and
I'm glad you got some help.

Like, that's usually a sign,
like you might have missed, you

know, the mark from success.

I I just I had two buddies of
mine that that came over on a

daily basis, and every day they
would bitch and moan about how

wasteful snorting coke is and
how much more how much higher

you can get if you shoot it.

I intuitively knew that they had
a drug problem because they use

needles, and I'm not a drug
addict, I just like to party,

and I'm competitive.

So um I came up with this
brilliant idea, and mind you,

right from like 18 to 21, you
want to like I said, like I just

kept running out, like I
couldn't I couldn't come up with

the money Maddie needed me to
come up with.

I did not draw a sober breath
for at least three years of my

life at all.

Right.

If I slept, it was two or three
nights a week, and it was only

because like I could I like my
body went to sleep and I woke up

loaded and continued to party.

And I had some combination of
alcohol, weed, coke, mushrooms,

and acid and ecstasy in my
system for the better part of

three years.

That's what my life looked like
in college with no college

classes, you know.

But to to back up to the eye
story, I'm 19, 18, 19, and um I

just got tired of listening to
them tell me that I gotta get

the coke straight into my
bloodstream.

So I came up with this brilliant
idea.

So I thought to take my contact
lenses out, and I just put a

couple key bumps of Coke and the
contact lenses and put them back

in my eye.

Now, I when I broke, uh when I
when I finally got contact

lenses uh earlier on in my life,
I had um a full cast on this arm

for getting blackout drunk and
waking up with a broken arm.

I don't I don't know.

Full cast.

So I taught myself how to put
contact lenses in with one hand.

You pull the eyelid down and pop
them in.

Um, and so I just pull it out,
pop them out, fill them up, put

them back in, and your eye, the
I'm sure there's like some

scientific explanation for how
this works better than putting

it on your tongue.

But the the fluid in your eye
eats it up like candy, man.

It and the high you get if you
can get past the abrasiveness, I

would imagine insane burn that
you would probably if you

imagine what it would feel like
to put cut cocaine in your eye,

that you probably had creatine
or you know, who knows what was

in that.

But um I my eyes started showing
some signs of wear and tear uh

within a couple of days, and I I
intuitively knew that I could

this wasn't sustainable, but it
also wasn't stoppable because

the high that I got was so much
better than snorting it.

So I just committed to losing my
left eye.

Like if it if it's gonna go, God
gave me two.

I'm willing to sacrifice my left
one.

I love to hunt and shoot, I can
do that with my right eye.

You got to close the left one
anyway.

The justification of an addict
is just insane.

Like it actually would be better
because then I don't have to

worry about closing my eye, it
won't work, so I won't even have

to close it, type of shit.

Just insanity.

And I went, I came to in a
hospital three months later.

They they surgically ready to
remove what was left of a

contact lens, my cornea got
infected because within a few

days, because it really hurt, I
started to dilute the coke with

acid to get the coke to kind of
soften up before the contact

lens went back in the eye.

SPEAKER_03: Dude, the only thing
I have to liken that too, and I

and I granted, I've never done
anything in my eye.

I don't want to say yet.

I hope I hope I never have the
desire.

But if you miss a vein like with
heroin, it's no big deal.

If you miss a vein with cocaine,
it hurts like a motherfucker.

Uh like, oh yeah.

Like you would never go
intramuscular or like if you

miss it, oh your arm will burn.

And I've I've done that, and it
really it's like it hurts bad in

the arm.

I can't even imagine what that
would feel like in the eye.

SPEAKER_00: If um the the best
thing that I could liken it to

is sand at the beach.

Okay.

Okay.

But it it dissolves over the
course of like 15 minutes.

I don't think anybody Realizes
this until they've had eye

problems, but the amount you of
movement your eyes do, just

because one's closed, doesn't
mean the eyeball doesn't move,

bro.

SPEAKER_02: Right.

SPEAKER_00: The recovery from
that surgery was miserable.

I had to be on medicated eye
because it ate away part of the

cornea of my eye.

Like if you took wax paper from
your kitchen cabinet out and put

a piece of wax paper over your
eye, that's what looking out my

left eye was like for months.

Wow.

Months.

Probably I was on medicated
drops for a long time.

That happened in 2009, August of
09.

SPEAKER_03: Okay.

All right.

And so at this point, is this is
this the lowest point like in

the hospital?

Is it just kind of like the the
most bone-head one?

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was um it
wasn't even a wake-up call.

I don't think I've ever really
looked at that.

Like you're asking it.

Um, yeah, it wasn't even it was
just like, oh well, damn, like

we can't do that anymore.

We'll have to find something
else, type of thing.

Like I I don't even and because
of the of the influence I was

under for those years, like my
memory is so spot.

I mean, I know I know for a fact
because it was documented, and I

won't disclose in in what way,
but uh I for one summer I ate

mushrooms every day.

Every day.

And um not like the micro-dosing
pussy shit they do now, like

like three to five grams of
mushrooms a day minimum.

SPEAKER_02: Right.

SPEAKER_00: Um at one period I
stayed up for six six nights.

I made it a whole week from a
Monday to a Monday, um, almost

Monday, and uh on mushrooms and
acid and coke and boost.

But I don't remember a lot of
that shit.

I just I I do remember this that
um the darkest was when I moved

to Florida because I had no no
couches to stay on in Virginia.

Mom and dad, dad was gonna
trespass me if I came back to

the house.

Um mom loved me but didn't want
me to and my dad to go back at

it again.

It was either she side, it was
this was like a three-year

conversation.

Honey, if you side with him,
you're I'm leaving you both.

Like that was that was the wow,
that was where my my my

household was at at home between
mom and dad.

And um like brother was still
living at home.

I only had a couple of friends
that still answered their phone,

like I had nowhere else to go.

And so, but no big deal,
resourceful.

I contacted a family friend that
my parents knew really well that

I knew years prior that were um
were uh down in Palm Coast,

Florida.

And I reached out to them and
said that um, you know, some

opportunities opened up in
Florida for me to pursue my

professional golf career and um
had preyed on it and taken uh

take gonna take this leap of of
stepping away from collegiate

golf to pursue a mini tour
career.

And I would absolutely love to
um talk to them about either a

room for rent or if they can
help me find uh at their house

or a room to rent um with
somebody that they knew or

because the the the my uncle
uncle Mike um is a realtor.

And they they lived in a 4,500
square foot house in this

private neighborhood called the
Sanctuary.

And they said, dude, you don't
need to move in somewhere else.

We got we've got rooms, we don't
even we don't even see, you

know.

Uh it was just three of them,
Mike, Cammy, and their son

Brandt.

Like, come on down.

Brandt was 15.

10.

Shit, probably, yeah.

10 at the most, actually.

And man, you want to talk about
destruction.

They held up really well, but
what I put those people through

and what I brought down from
Virginia into their home was

insane.

I moved my I I moved my
contacts.

Maddie just started mailing
shit.

Problem with the mailing stuff
is a lot of it doesn't show up,

and somebody's gonna get caught
for that eventually.

Right.

So that was a short that we did
like two drops, and one of them

one of them wasn't successful,
and I didn't have the money to

pay for either one of them, so I
was asking for a third on the

front.

He's like, dude, no, absolutely
not.

Right.

You're gonna pay me for the last
one that did show up.

I'm like, nah, I don't, I ain't
got it.

Um and so it just went to
drinking, and that was that was

in September of 2011.

Okay, and I drank I drank enough
alcohol to offset the lack of

coke, mushrooms, and and and
weed, um, in addition to the

amount of alcohol I was already
drinking.

I mean, it was I don't even know
the level, like I laughed when

I'm in a meeting and hear people
refer to the amount of of

alcohol that they consume.

I it was a lot.

I mean, it was I was drinking
from the time I came to to the

time I passed out.

SPEAKER_02: Right.

SPEAKER_00: And it was vodka
before lunch, it was it was it

was liquor after usually
Southern Comfort and Orange

Juice after, or or Southern
Comfort and Mountain Dew.

Vodka and Orange Juice, Southern
Comfort and Mountain Dew until

until it was like, you know
what, fuck it, let's just drink

like three or four pitchers of
Yingling.

And what I was doing was I was
driving to the golf course.

Most of the days my clubs
weren't even coming out of the

car.

I was playing golf with one of
the men's league at this club.

They'd go play, I'd drink until
they got in, and then I'd drink

with them until everyone went
home.

Wow.

And then I would go home.

And I did that for I was I was
involved in two men's leagues

for five days a week.

Um, and then Saturday and Sunday
I would just go up there and

just drink.

Um, and so they didn't see it.

Mike and Cammy didn't really see
it, but they saw who came home.

Both of them were really um
grinding, uh, you know, look

providing for their family, and
I was just a mess.

Like, I don't really I can't
really speak to what kind of

condition I was showing up at
their house, but I can only

imagine what that looked like.

And it lasted like three months.

Um, and I got arrested again.

Um and you know, not to get too
deep into the specifics, but

that was like that like just the
disappointment and confusion on

Mike's face when he bailed me
out.

I was just done, dude.

Like there I hadn't been
partying for a long time.

The Coke and and and mushrooms
were my master for years prior

to that point.

I just wanted to live somebody
else's life.

Like I just you ever you ever
play those video games where

like you get to a certain
checkpoint and then when you die

you just restart back at the
previous checkpoint.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: That's the best way
I can describe my outlook on

life.

Like if it just goes bad enough
tonight, I'll just you know

start back here, you know, and
just and dude, it was just so

dark.

I remember going to detox and
looking at the the group of

clients and thinking to myself,
like, I would love to have

anyone's life but mine.

And I had a good dude.

I mean, we've talked for the
last like 50 minutes.

Like, dude, I had it pretty
freaking good.

There was no reason why I would
want to run from my life.

Shit, I'm trying to recreate the
life I ran from.

Uh yeah.

For my wife and kids, you know.

Um, give me a hunting property
with 1400 acres and a in a and a

house on the water with a beach
and and jet skis.

Like, dude, sign me up.

Um God, I just I've been to so
many meetings over my lifetime,

like um, and heard it so many
wonderful ways, but like that's

like the like in my core, like I
would have I would have bed

somebody if they were willing to
give me their attention and

detox to trade their life with
mine.

And 100% meant it.

Yeah.

Like and and with no regard for
the consequences.

I love I love that description.

Like, I was willing to trade the
consequences of getting loaded

for the consequences of stance
over.

There at the end, I I couldn't
buy the lie that the

consequences of getting loaded
were worth it.

But I knew I had to drink.

Like not drinking wasn't an
option.

Never tried it.

Sure.

Hell, I might have I might have
been able to do it.

We could, you know, we could run
it back.

No, I just um you know, just
couldn't couldn't get myself

there.

SPEAKER_03: So what is life and
and just for anyone listening,

you've stayed continuously sober
from that day to this, from the

point that you got sober until
this day.

Is that accurate?

SPEAKER_00: I can unpack a
couple of tie-ins that are

amazing.

Yeah.

Uh that really like if we switch
gears from the doom and gloom,

right, to to what this power has
done in my life.

And I say that not to separate
me from anybody or anything,

right?

Like any listeners, like there
is something that has has shown

up and has an has had an
undeniable presence in my life

in the last 14 years.

And what that presence or power
has done is we'll just start

from the top, right?

Like I showed up to court with a
few months sober and a

completion certificate from a
from a rehab that the attorney

that I uh retained in a blackout
and cussed out and told him that

he had to call my mom if he
wanted to get paid for his

retainer.

Knew the judge's wife went
through a rehab down the road a

few years prior and was still
sober and knew that if I showed

up with a completion certificate
from that treatment center, it

would really, really look good
in my favor from the judge.

And he was right.

And he also put me in touch or
put a couple people, um, got a

couple people to write notes on
my behalf.

I I've tried to find this guy,
um, Mr.

Miller.

I I don't remember his first
name, and I can't find any

documentation on it.

My mom doesn't know it, you
know.

But Mr.

Miller, um, there's a lot of
attorneys in this the name Mr.

Miller in uh Florida.

Um, but dude, I walked into that
courtroom, my license was

suspended.

I had a warrant out for my
arrest in Virginia.

Um, I had um when I got
arrested, dude, I had I had

about an eighth of blow, two
pounds of weed, a scale, uh, a

pistol driving my mom's car
without her knowledge.

Uh well, the state called it
stolen.

It was my mom's car.

So I don't really know how you
steal mom's car, but it was

reported that way.

Um and blew a 0.28.

I was already on probation.

I had a warrant out because I I
skipped town on probation for my

last DUI that I got underage,
you know, and so like like it

didn't look good.

But dude, I walked into this
courtroom, I walked out of this

courtroom after that judge read
a bunch of those letters with my

license reinstated.

I don't know how do you how do
you do that?

Like, how do you go, how do you
get there without some sort of

intervention on my behalf?

You can't.

It's impossible, dude.

I've been in too many courtrooms
with sponsees over the years.

Like, you don't get that kind of
a break.

I got that kind of a break, and
I I started to I started to be

willing to change my mind about
the power that I was told I had

to rely on in order to live.

I was willing to believe that
what you claim to believe might

be real.

And a few months later, I
started making some financial

amends.

And um I I don't know how else
to describe it, but but divine

timing and inspiration.

I made a couple financial
amends.

I get a phone call from a buddy
of mine who was my grand sponsor

who owned a bunch of hearing aid
practices and said uh owned a

hearing aid practice with like
20-something locations and said,

Hey, I want you to come work for
me.

I want you to help people here.

Um, we're gonna you can practice
under my license.

I'll get you through the
training program, the distance

learning course and the the
residency or whatever you want

to call it, and and um, and you
can come on and practice under

my license, and I'll teach you
everything I know about the

about the industry and serving
God's kids.

And um within months of making
my first my financial amends

that I put off for months after
finishing the rest of them.

And um, dude, the and then in
the next for the next six years,

I made over six figures as a
20-something year old um helping

God's kids.

Like that was the focal point of
my life.

Few years later, um, my dad and
I have a relationship.

Uh, you know, uh again, we're
talking.

We we're we almost we damn near
became best friends within like

five to seven years of of
sobriety.

And that was the number one
resentment on my list for

obvious reasons.

I hated that man, I wouldn't
talk to that man.

Like that guy didn't want to
talk to me or see me when I got

splaked.

It was um there was some
animosity there, but he and I

were like, I mean, he he was my
best friend within seven years.

Restorative, restorative power
of only only one guy that I know

of uh can make that happen.

And uh, and it happened.

His heart got healed and mine
did too.

And um, and around the same
time, I had um I had a friend

get LASIK surgery, suggested I
go back to the eye doctor.

Um and and I had gone, I hadn't
gone for a couple years, was

just doing the drop still, and
this at the time was uh 2018, so

like nine years later.

And I went into a doctor, and
the doctor did this scans or

whatever and said, dude, like I
don't know how the scarring on

your eye is gone, but you have
no scarring on your eye.

Is this your x-ray?

Like, this is your name, your
date of birth, like these are

your scans, and I'm like, Yeah,
and he's like, dude, there is no

medical explanation for this,
like it is only a divine act of

intervention and providence that
your eye looks like this and no

longer like that.

And this scan can't come from
this scan, but we know a guy,

yeah.

Yeah, we know a guy, and he told
me almost verbatim what that

doctor told my mom about my dad
and about how he lived and was

going to survive, and now how I
might be able to get my vision

back.

And so I know we're at the top
of the hour, but you know, just

to just to keep the the tie-ins
going, like I I set an

appointment and got LASIK a
couple months later.

I've I still have 2020 vision.

And and every doctor, eye doctor
that I've seen for the last, you

know, I don't know, 15 years
goes, that's not possible.

But it but it happened anyway.

And um and the amends that I
started making that got me in

place for that job, uh, you
know, some people would call

this a coincidence, but that
amends looked a lot like you

know, making sending uh this
Jesus calling devotion to my dad

every morning.

That was part of what my sponsor
told me to do.

And I started sending this
devotion.

And then and you know, years go
by and and I'm in some financial

trouble.

I outspent my income for a long
consecutive period, uh, you

know, many months in
consecutive, uh, you know,

whatever, you know what I'm
trying to say, and and ended up

in some financial trouble.

And um my grandmother, dad's
mom, the one that took us to

Disney every year, had a little
too much in the bank for the

insurance to pick up the cost of
getting her into a home.

And so we had to divest some of
her assets.

And sure enough, I still had
some student loans and some

credit card debt.

And, you know, through the power
of an amends, she was the first

person that thought of me to uh,
you know, give me a front, if

you will, on my will, on my
inheritance.

I mean, um, the reason why she
thought about me is because my

dad would go over there and see
her and read her this Jesus

calling devotion, and got, as my
dad put it, like I got like

another couple years with my mom
more than my sister.

Because I'd go over there and
I'd read her these devotions,

and when we talk about God and
scripture, she would light up

and she would the brain would
turn back on for 15, 20 minutes

because she knew what she was
talking about.

Wow.

And and I got two years with my
mom that my sister didn't get

because those devotions that you
kept sending me to try to, you

know, mend our relationship.

And I got one with my mom.

And um, you know, I don't know
how that makes sense, bro, but

we know a guy, and and what
makes sense uh doesn't usually

happen, and what is absolutely
impossible happens all the time.

And and that's what that's what
happened for me.

I was uh the lucky recipient of
that's not there's no way.

Just one more time.

A couple years after that, I met
my wife, uh, or well, got got to

marry my wife, and um just a
couple more tie-ins.

My dad stood next to me as my
best man, and there wasn't even

a close second.

Like, I've got some really good
friends that I've I've been

running mates with that are like
shoulder to shoulder with me on

this recovery journey.

And there was there wasn't even
a second thought.

Like, I knew exactly who I
wanted standing next to me, and

he sat there and cried the
entire time.

Um like that, like just another
that that can't happen type of

deal.

And then I'll I'll I'll close
with this, right?

Like, um the biggest struggle
I've had in sobriety is falling

in love at the very first time I
met my wife.

First time I met her, we sat at
the kitchen table and talked

about the doctor's opinion,
Bill's story, there's a

solution, and more about
alcoholism for about three hours

and rapped back and forth about
her life and mine.

Um within a couple months of us
getting married, we ran into

some medical stuff that rendered
us uh incapable of having a

family.

She had two kids from a previous
marriage and um what looked like

you know, just this beautiful,
just this beautiful life, like

this storybook life.

Like 10 years, I was 10 years
sober, she was five years sober,

like fell in love, dated for a
bit, and and um got engaged.

She sang at the choir.

I proposed to her with the choir
director and the pastor all

hooked it up to where I snuck in
from back backstage while she's

singing in the choir and hit a
knee.

They put it up on the screen,
like it was like like it was so

beautiful, like all of it was
just so freaking beautiful.

And then that doctor said, You
guys aren't having kids, and you

gotta have the surgery, and it's
you need to push the wedding

back.

And she said, Well, we're gonna
have to do something else.

We're not pushing the wedding
back.

And for the next handful of
years, we've dealt with health

problems, and that poor girl's
gone through gone through

everything imaginable, hormone
issues, and and all sorts of

trouble.

That's just been and she's been
a trooper through it, right?

Like she's she's done a hell of
a lot better of a job than I

would have done.

The hand of cards she's been
dealt wasn't even a hand at all,

and uh And her chip count was
down too.

And um, you know, but that
girl's rallied through it, and

we've we've faced some
struggles, but um, you know,

this may get me in trouble.

Well, probably not, because that
dude's not gonna see it, but the

kid's dad, right?

Full circle.

God takes my ability to have
kids, and the the kid's dad, I

don't think they've stayed with
him for a handful of nights in

the last four years we've been
together.

We've got those kids full time
overnight.

And um I don't know if I'm a
good dad, but I can tell you

this that my oldest son is the
worship leader in his youth

group.

And an incredible kid does Bible
study on a regular weekly basis

with kids over at the house, has
his quiet time every day,

straight, straight A, I B
student, incredible kid, comes

down to to the living room the
other night, and he says, I want

I want to take your last name.

You're more of you're more of a
dad than I could ever ask for.

And I want the same last name as
you and my mom.

And um like I said, I don't know
if I'm a good dad, but I know in

my heart that that meant the
world to me, and was just a

little bit of a reminder like,
hey, dude, like you might be on

the right track, right?

Um and I've just I've seen too
much evidence at this point to

think that that old lifestyle is
something of interest to me, or

is the only option for anybody
else that's struggling, right?

The message of hope is like like
this, I didn't do anything to

deserve any of this stuff that I
just described to you in the

last 17 minutes.

Nothing, absolutely nothing.

The only thing that I did was
what somebody told me, and I

disagreed with every single
suggestion, but did it anyway.

And and the message of hope, if
if anything, right?

Like for the guy that's that's
still the man or woman that's

still struggling and and maybe
can relate and identify with

something that I've said is is
like it this it can happen to

you too.

It can happen to you too.

Like if you can identify with
the the first 45 minutes of this

talk, like you can you should
give yourself the opportunity to

identify with the last 20
minutes of it, right?

The darkness at the bottom and
and and the brightness at the

top uh is is available.

I've never met anyone that
couldn't experience it, but

there's plenty of people that
don't.

And that sucks.

That really sucks.

SPEAKER_03: What would you say,
just in in in closing, you know,

because we're gonna get people
that will listen to this that

maybe want to get sober, that
never have tried.

There's gonna be people that uh
are sober before people people

that that have relapsed, you
know, a number of times, like

me, right?

I was uh a chronic relapser
after years.

Um what would you say to those
guys?

SPEAKER_00: To the guys that and
men and women that constantly

relapse, like I I for a long
time I thought I couldn't relate

to them or speak to them because
I've got one white chip.

But the reality is that I've got
one white chip since my last

one.

And eventually those people pick
up one white chip, and it's the

it's the only one they've got
since since they picked it up.

Eventually, it's their last
white chip.

So I think that like I think
that it applies to them just as

much as it applies to everybody
else.

And and the message of hope that
I've got for everybody is that

um it's available.

Fine, like if I chase if I chase
recovery like I chase alcohol,

there's absolutely no way that
my I can't have a storybook

life.

Like the news that we share in a
meeting is the greatest news

ever.

And it's available to anyone,
literally anyone.

Like, and and so here my first
sponsor had a Rolex on his

wrist, AMG Mercedes G-Wagon out
in the parking lot with the with

the Mercedes-Benz keys on the
desk.

And he said, I'll foot the bill
of your first week out after you

let me take these, take you
through these steps.

If you still want to go back to
that life, I'll I'll fund the

first week on my dime, not
yours.

Let you do anything and
everything you want to do.

I'll foot the bill if you're not
satisfied after you go through

these 12 steps.

And I said, dude, shake my hand.

You're the biggest idiot I've
ever met.

For anybody that's watching this
that has tried it, wants to try

it, thinks about trying it, like
man, I believe that alcohol

could work for what I had going
on in here, and I acted

accordingly.

I would say to them, pretend
like what is happening in the

rooms of recovery in your
neighborhood can fix this in

here and have an experience with
it.

Give it give it an opportunity,
and let's see where see where

things go.

SPEAKER_03: Awesome, man.

Hunter, thank you so much for
joining us today.

For anyone that was listening or
watching along, we appreciate

you.

Uh, like the video, subscribe to
the channel.

I forgot to say that on my last
one, so I'm gonna say it now.

And uh, we're gonna get the hell
out of here.

We'll catch you on the next one,
folks.

SPEAKER_02: Bye bye.